25 Questions to Ask Before Saying Yes to a Rishta

Saying yes to a rishta is one of the biggest decisions in life. In many Pakistani families, the boy and girl meet only a few times before engagement, so it is important to use that time well. Asking the right questions, politely and respectfully, helps both sides understand each other’s values, plans and expectations. It also prevents painful surprises after marriage.

Here are 25 practical questions to ask before saying yes to a rishta, grouped by topic, along with tips on how to ask them without sounding rude.

Why Asking Questions Is Important

Marriage brings two people and two families together. Differences in expectations about work, living arrangements, finances or children are among the most common reasons for conflict after marriage. Talking about these topics early is not disrespectful; it shows maturity and seriousness. Islam also gives both the man and the woman the right to agree freely to a marriage, and informed consent requires honest information.

Questions About Values and Religion

• How important is religion in your daily life?
• What does a good marriage look like to you?
• How do you usually handle disagreements?
• What are your thoughts on respecting each other’s families?
• Which traditions or customs matter most to you and your family?

Questions About Education and Career

• Are you happy in your current job, and what are your career plans?
• How do you feel about your spouse working or studying after marriage?
• Do you plan to move to another city or abroad for work?
• How many hours do you usually work, and do you travel often?

Questions About Living Arrangements

• Will we live in a joint family system or separately?
• In which city do you see us living in the next five years?
• How will household responsibilities be shared?
• How often do you expect to visit or host family members?

Questions About Finances

• Do you have any loans or major financial commitments?
• How do you think money decisions should be made in a marriage?
• Do you support your parents or siblings financially, and how will that continue?
• What are your views on dowry and wedding expenses?

Questions About Children and Family Planning

• When would you like to have children, if at all?
• How do you think parenting responsibilities should be shared?
• What kind of education would you want for your children?

Questions About Personality and Lifestyle

• How do you like to spend your free time?
• What are your closest friendships like?
• How do you deal with stress or anger?
• Is there anything about your health or past that you think I should know before deciding?
• What do you expect from me as a life partner?

How to Ask Without Sounding Rude

• Choose a calm, private setting where you can talk properly, with family nearby.
• Explain that you are asking because you take the decision seriously.
• Listen more than you speak, and do not interrupt.
• Share your own answers too, so it feels like a conversation rather than an interview.
• Avoid questions about salary in the very first meeting; let families discuss details gradually.

Red Flags to Watch For

• Refusing to answer basic questions or giving vague replies
• Pressure to decide quickly or keep things secret
• Disrespectful remarks about your family or your career
• Big differences between what is said and what you find during verification
• Any demand for money, gifts or “visa expenses” before marriage

Involve Your Family

Questions between the boy and girl are important, but families should also verify education, job and character through trusted contacts. Combining personal conversations with family verification gives the clearest picture.

Questions Families Should Discuss Together

Some topics are best discussed between elders of both families rather than in the first meeting between the boy and girl:

• Expectations about the nikah, rukhsati and walima, and how simple or grand they will be
• Haq mehr, and any conditions both families want written in the nikahnama
• Where the couple will live and who will cover major expenses in the first years
• Timelines for engagement and marriage, especially if one side lives abroad

Agreeing on these points early, and writing important ones in the nikahnama, protects both sides and avoids family disputes later.

A Final Word

Write down the answers that matter most to you and discuss them with your parents before giving a final decision.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it okay for a girl to ask these questions?

Yes. Both the girl and the boy have every right to ask questions before agreeing to marriage.

How many meetings are enough before deciding?

There is no fixed number. Take the time you need until you feel informed and comfortable.

Conclusion

Asking honest questions before saying yes to a rishta builds trust and helps both sides start married life with clear expectations. Save this list, discuss it calmly and involve your families. If this guide helped you, share it on WhatsApp with someone who is looking for a rishta.